


Ask Me

by meupclose



Category: 19天 - Old先 | 19 Days - Old Xian
Genre: Guan Shan's parents are fucking adorable fight me, Hurt Mo Guan Shan, M/M, Non-Sexual Intimacy, Tianshan Week 2018, Wedding Planning, chef!mo, he tian is an idiot, he tian works for him, jian yi is the head mafia, minor Jiaying, non-graphic sex written but its there, not as angry guan shan, older timeline -- they are 30, pov mo guan shan, safe and consensual tying up, some violence, zheng and mo are best friends
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-25
Updated: 2018-08-31
Packaged: 2019-07-02 08:23:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 19,836
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15792720
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/meupclose/pseuds/meupclose
Summary: "No--" he pointed at the devil whose fingers were making the motions of tickling him, knees bent in a readying pounce."We can't both be in a bad mood," He Tian gruffly said, "I'll make you laugh Little Mo.""You. Will. Not," he jumped off the side of the pier, landing in the sands near the crashing waves. His knees buckled a bit, but he managed to get into a sprint back towards the house. He couldn't see He Tian behind him-- because he's seen enough horror movies to know you never look back-- but he could hear him, the sand kicking up, the powerful and trained strides that closed the distance between them proving he couldn't hope to outrun him.~The boys are in a misunderstanding and we get to watch them come back together.~Tianshan Week 2018





	1. Vacation

"Take it slow," He Tian's voice held tucked close to his ear, arms wrapped around his middle while they shuffled down a pier. "I want to enjoy every second."

Guan Shan allowed his pace to drop, his fingers threaded with one of He Tian's hands, feet bare and touching wood and bits of sand. The water seemed stilled this late at night, the curling waves not as aggressive from the day when it was bathed in the sunshine. The moon outlined the aqua hues with deeper indigo causing the ocean to seem forever in the distance, it brought to focus their connection.

His heart rate lowered, pausing on the very edge of the pier when it came to its end. The wind traveled gently around his ankles and up to lift the edges of his shorts. Mo shifted back to put more weight against He Tian whose warm breath created a humid connection near his collar, chin tucked close.

"Why did it take us so long to come to the ocean?" Mo mused.

He Tian sighed in reply without saying anything. Mo knew He Tian liked to blame himself for anything negative put to words between them-- like he couldn't ever catch up to all the bullshit of their childhood, before their freedom into adulthood.

Guan Shan removed his hand tightly clenched and lifted it to scratch at the back of He Tian's head, dragging it down until he cradled his neck. It expanded his chest from the motion, He Tian filling any space behind him to pull closer, every inch touching Mo's back.

"This is supposed to be a fun trip, why have you been such a grump?" Guan Shan said without his usual edge to his tone. No reply came, only a squeeze to the arms wrapped around his middle. Guan Shan shook his head. "Stubborn--" he muttered with a click of his tongue. Guan Shan was worried, though, didn't know how to express that entirely. It could be their main issue while dealing with things; He Tian either got extremely physical when he wanted to distract himself, or he got eerily quiet, and Mo wondered if he'd leave to be alone.

They could talk sometimes, but they both knew they sucked at it.

They stared at the water for a few more minutes, letting the words about taking their time give them some direction. Guan Shan was grateful they had the money to come here, to rent the small little house on the beach for a weekend would give him the chance to calm down from his workload at his restaurant, and give him the guts to ask He Tian to marry him.

Not that it was a hard choice to decide upon. They were almost thirty now-- Guan Shan couldn't love him more. He was scared though, at the comment value it held and how much the answer meant to him. Rejection could ruin him, and Guan Shan didn't know if he could stick around if he embarrassed himself asking and He Tian wasn't interested.

Guan Shan made to take a step, and He Tian enclosed his arms tighter. "You are pouting..." Mo gritted out, a small flare of anger igniting his belly that He Tian's mood might ruin the imagery of his proposal. Which he hadn't dreamed up for about seven months now-- not him, he'd never do that. He blushed at his thoughts, turning around the grip and faced his partner.

"-- you better tell me what's wrong or I'm going to push you into the fucking water and watch you drown," he said with a bored expression to be a menace. He Tian's chin was downward in a tilt, but his eyes lifted forward, dark and stormy-- the challenge in Mo's tone enough to spark something dangerous. Guan Shan's tongue darted out without knowing it, just wetting the edge of his lips while he looked back. He Tian followed the motion and leaned forward to capture them into a kiss.

Guan Shan let him without protest, the kiss remaining soft instead of overpowering, the ocean's calmness reflecting in the languid motions and tilt to deepen it without haste. Mo quivered, pulling away with his eyes closed. He could feel a stare down-- he cracked his eyes to glare at He Tian who finally had a lazy smile.

"Work is bothering me," He Tian admitted. "But I'm here with you so I'm fine."

Guan Shan knew He Tian was diverting Mo's attention away from his agitated mood. When they were kids, he'd probably shove or punch him because that was always easier than feeling anything. Even when they moved through their twenties, and He Tian fell deeper and deeper into his family's business-- they would wrestle and make out, have lots of sex and pretend they didn't need to speak on what was happening.

Mo can't remember ever labeling their relationship. Not once introducing He Tian as a boyfriend, partner, friend-- nothing, ever, and yet he had a ring in his suitcase, wanting to add what he always held to the highest standard in his life to their relationship. Was it stupid to want it? Did He Tian know what he had planned and didn't want it?

Mo must have frowned because He Tian dug his fingers into his sides making him yelp at the tickle and pulled away with a shove.

"No--" he pointed at the devil whose fingers were making the motions of tickling him, knees bent in a readying pounce.

"We can't both be in a bad mood," He Tian gruffly said, "I'll make you laugh Little Mo."

"You. Will. Not," he jumped off the side of the pier, landing in the sands near the crashing waves. His knees buckled a bit, but he managed to get into a sprint back towards the house. He couldn't see He Tian behind him-- because he's seen enough horror movies to know you never look back-- but he could hear him, the sand kicking up, the powerful and trained strides that closed the distance between them proving he couldn't hope to outrun him.

He Tian didn't tackle him as expected, but he wrapped his hands around his waist and made to stop him. Mo figured he should take advantage, and dropped his elbow to strike the side of He Tian's neck, turning to kick the inside of his thigh to break the hold like he was taught. He Tian immediately realized what he was doing, and Mo caught the wild and excited expression on his face right before he reset his feet and rushed forward.

Mo took the hit, an oof coming out of his chest as the air forced it's self out. He gathered both his arms and dropped his elbows down on the arcing point of He Tian's back, not holding back as his lover was built and could take it. The hold loosened enough for him to lift his knee and connect it with his chest, pushing it out into a kick-- but He Tian grasped his ankle, overcoming his weight forward and they crashed into each other, an arm encircling him once more and their chest heaved connected horizontally in the sand.

"You taught me to headbutt, but I don't want to break your nose," Guan Shan breathlessly responded.

"I do like my nose as is, even if its the most broken thing on my body," He Tian chuckled. "You're trying to make me feel better."

It came out as a statement and Mo rolled his eyes at the other.

"Tsk, I'd never," he said back. He Tian let him go, so he grabbed his hand and yanked each other up to walk back to the little house which was a single room cabin. When he glanced to the side to look at his companion, he saw he was looking at the moon again, letting Mo lead him.

He Tian became larger than his older brother when he grew into his twenties, hitting another growth spirt and paired with proper training changed his proportions to fit him well. Mo was attracted to him when they were younger, but now? It didn't compare. He Tian was hot.

"What are you thinking about?" He Tian's eyes were on his now, and Mo growled and looked away.

"Like I'd tell you,"  
"Tell me, or I'll expose it in other ways,"

"Tsk," he blew air between his teeth. Being a chef hadn't given him a body like He Tian, but he wasn't a skinny teenager anymore. He Tian kept him in shape, always worried they would find themselves in a situation like their past and wanted to be sure he could fight by himself if needed. He was still shorter and smaller than the other, and he didn't admit it, but he liked it a lot.

Guan Shan's sarcasm surfaced, and he offered a cheeky expression in response.

"Just that you have a gray hair in your eyebrow old man," he lied. He Tian briefly stilled as he believed him, and Mo immediately exposed himself with a full body laugh, pushing away and walked into the house with a childish kick at the front door. His laughter rang out in the space while he pulled a few things out for a late snack. He Tian had an amused grin on his face, arms folded in the entrance way while Mo moved about.

"You are in a good mood tonight Mo; I'm glad" He Tian stated.

"It's vacation He Tian, what the hell else should I be? You are the one that needs to let work go and chill for three days. Nothing bad is going to happen to us," he challenged back with a lifted brow. "Especially not here."

He Tian lost his grin, a stormy expression falling over his features once more. Guan Shan sighed in confirmation that this mood was definitely work-related. He didn't know any details involving the fricken mob for his safety, but he knew He Tian enough that recently something was affecting him a lot more. Whatever it was going down would likely require patience and strategy to avoid the law and whatever else internationally they handled which-- if Guan Shan was honest-- always scared him a little. He never wanted He Tian taken away from him like his Father once had been.

"You're right, you're right," He Tian interrupted his thoughts and plopped on the couch, the far wall had two large bay windows that were opened to allow a stunning, dark view of the ocean. There weren't any other dwellings on this side of the beach. It was private and theirs for a few days and Mo fiercely wanted to enjoy it even against his usual fiery self-- He Tian needed to stop worrying about work just like he was.

"I'm usually right-- you just like to be pushy," he set a plate on the table with fresh avocado slices and a few pieces of fruit. It was quiet for a few seconds, but it was comfortable. He Tian broke it with his hand on his thigh, a shaky breath exhaling near his neck as He Tian turned in towards him and settled close.

"I don't know how you get hotter and hotter to me every year that passes," He Tian licked the pulse point juncture of his neck and shoulder making Mo's breath hitch.

"You say things so I'll sit on your fucking lap," Mo reached forward to eat a slice of orange, trying not to expose the heat through his body.

"Yes," He Tian chuckled.

"See, you can't give me one honest--" large hands gripped his thighs and dragged him until his back slipped to the cushions. He Tian didn't hover over him, instead had his nose buried into the divot of his thigh and hip, a pressure on his legs to spread them open to allow him access. He trembled when He Tian inhaled, biting his lip which was now sweet in orange juice.

He waited for a second, almost frozen, but He Tian didn't pause, he slid his hands up the elastic banded workout shorts he had on; tickling the tender skin there. They were pulled down, and Mo's chest lifted through a deep inhale as he watched, arousal igniting in his center. He Tian bit the exposed skin of his lower abdomen softened over time in the kitchen, making him squirm. He Tian forced his hands up to his hips, curling around with ease-- their sheer size and power something that always made Guan Shan excited and painfully erect.

"My lap isn't necessary for me tonight though," He Tian mumbled into his skin, the pressure in his grip tightening, fingertips indenting the edges of his butt. Guan Shan wanted to have a smart ass reply, but the words moaned away when the damp warmth of his lover's mouth fell onto him. His left hand curled into the couch, the other pulled up his shirt, fingers dancing across his upper chest. He Tian always wanted to bring him to a finish fast when he went down on him-- like that was where his own pleasure came from, and the deep draw and resistance of the back of his throat always made Guan Shan see stars and forget to challenge himself and drag it out only out of spite.

"Slow down," he begged, breathless. Every cell in his body short fired in energy, making his toes tingle and curl, his legs lifted on their own, calves wrapped around the back of He Tian who didn't listen. The hands on his hips weren't pinning them down, instead-- coaxing a natural rhythm from Guan Shan who arched into it, taking a little control and forcing himself upward into the heat and the practiced motion of He Tian's tongue had him dying.

"Let. Me...ah fucking hell," He couldn't speak more, wanting to drag it out, but He Tian wasn't giving in per usual. Guan Shan peered down, noting the tension across He Tian's biceps and grip on his skin, the faint drop of sweat-- it told him He Tian wanted him to cum more than anything. Guan Shan got turned on further with the thought, knowing He Tian sought such things made his stomach churn and his legs shake.

"Fuck-- okay, okay," he panted, letting go-- his body taking over instinctively as he lifted his hips up and deeper, and He Tian was probably smiling even preoccupied, knowing that Mo wouldn't make it long. He sighed as the wire inside of him uncoiled, and he chased after the instinctive feeling of physically coming apart deep inside his core.

"Ah... dammit--" he gritted as his body halted in an arced position. The feeling spread as heat through his veins, and his breath held in his lungs as if he was being held by the back of his shirt over a steep cliff. Mo unraveled, a gritted moan caught behind clenched teeth, losing all sense of everything for a blinding second.

He peeked through the forearm draped over his eyes, He Tian had the widest of smirks on his swollen lips, with a predominate flush to He Tian's cheeks, ears, and lips that had Guan Shan falling even more in love with him.

"I'm just that good babe, I like bringing you to only a cursing vocabulary," He Tian said with a cocky and sure smile.

"No kidding," Guan Shan muttered, feeling the high of his orgasm making every inch of his skin sensitive. He Tian leaned forward, settling between his legs, hands sliding up his sides which were ticklish enough to make him squirm. He Tian kissed up his neck, forcing his head to the side where his mouth latched to the skin there and sucked. Mo moaned again, breathy and slid his hands down He Tian's back and under his shorts to grope his ass.

The skin under teeth bruised pleasantly, and Guan Shan wanted more, offering a dip of his head to provide the other side, He Tian chuckled and bit him hard, making his hips roll upward and connect with the hard-line trapped down his thigh. He pushed down on He Tian's hips, urging him to unite them again, and he did, soft grinds while another bruise worried into Mo's skin. Guan Shan was panting now, feeling a fire in his chest make his head dizzy.

"More," he barely got out, and He Tian pulled back to kiss him. Wrapping his arms under and around him, so his hands were on Mo's shoulders from behind. He Tian pulled him down and towards his clothed groin and ground into him, thoroughly pressing his tongue along his teeth and roof of his mouth. Guan Shan lost all sense of existence, every finger squeezed into the round, muscular globes of He Tian's ass, forcing him down as his legs lifted on their own and settled on his hamstrings.

He Tian seemed content with making out over taking care of himself. Hickies painted down his neck to the point of being painful and sensitive, and every time He Tian brought his mouth back over them the heat alone from an exhale left Guan Shan groaning and twitching. The blurry line of pain and pleasure was making him feel lightheaded.

"Fuck you are so amazing," He Tian kissed him again, a quick yet slotted connection that forced his chin upward to deepen it better. He pulled back, kissing his jaw, kissing his cheek, kissing his brow bone, his hips ground more into the crux of his hip bone, the hard, damp line of his cock pulsing through the fabric. Guan Shan reached down between them, right between the material of his shorts and grabbed it.

He Tian finally moaned into his ear, collapsing enough that his forehead rested on the armrest, back arched so he wasn't squished. Mo having been given a second to get his thoughts again relished the exposer of abs from He Tian's shirt long gone, yet not remembered taking off in their session. He Tian's body was ridiculously sculpted, like a damn God, and Guan Shan hungrily drew his eyes across the biceps displayed in the required angle, down through every divot and line on his chest that made He Tian's body robust and powerful.

"Shit--" he whispered, the weight and girth between his fingers dense and hot. He pushed against He Tian's chest, getting him to sit, and Mo immediately consumed, not able to go all the way down, but it was enough for He Tian to come apart in seconds, already on the brink for several minutes. He Tian was caught off guard by it, his hand plunging into the short red strains of his hair-- and aggressively pushed his head down as he moaned low enough to rumble into a growl. Mo was going to fucking kill him for doing that, but he was intoxicated by the sounds and pulled back quickly with a deep necessary inhale, sitting on his ankles and closed his eyes, dragging his tongue across his teeth after he swallowed.

A beat.

"I'm better now," He Tian was staring at him, pupils near black from lingering arousal. There wasn't softness in the words, but a possessive edge that made a shiver race down his spine as he sat on his spread thighs. He Tian's chest was rising and falling quickly, Mo could swear he could map out the pulse through the thick skin, but He Tian didn't seem distant anymore-- as if his words were true.

Mo coughed a little overwhelmed.

"You like me looking like this, always have," He Tian cockily said.

He rolled his eyes. Yeah, he fucking did, he wanted He Tian to want him forever.

"Come on, eat," he forced an orange slice into He Tian's mouth and pulled their shorts up, so they weren't exposed. They ate the plate down, not talking as much as staring, which was typical for them. Guan Shan never admitted it, and he knew as a teenager he always bitched about it-- but he wanted He Tian's endlessly. Maybe-- one day he could have the courage to make it so, but right now, he was going to wait on asking for his hand in marriage.

"Love you," He Tian said, reaching out to run his fingers down a bruise.

"Me too," Mo responded. Yeah. He will be sure to ask him-- just not today.


	2. Wound

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> His phone chirped hours later stirring him awake. He grabbed the device seeing it was a call.
> 
> "Hrm?" he answered.   
> "Babe, are you home? The house alarm went off,"
> 
> The nickname surprised him. Usually, He Tian used it at home or when they were alone.
> 
> "Yeah," he rubbed his eyes, sitting up with a stretch not aware of the danger he was in from the grogginess of waking abruptly up. Did he oversleep? It wasn't even ten yet. Who breaks into a house mid day? "I just took a nap after having to go to the fish market this morning..."
> 
> "Listen to me. Hide, right now. I'll be right there,"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw- violence; Mo centric & Zheng and him are good friends in this :)

"You didn't ask him," Zheng Xi said immediately that Monday morning. Guan Shan sighed, pushing into the commercial kitchen with a crate of freshly bought fish.

"It didn't feel right," he lamely said to his friend, dropping the crate on the counter. "I mean, it was passionate, and a nice break, but something was missing--"

A snort came from the other's throat like he knew the feeling, but he didn't comment further. Zheng Xi was good like that; he was calm when he wanted to be, and Guan Shan was glad he could rely on him at the front end of his restaurant to offset the craze that could fall on the kitchen during a busy night.

He and Zheng Xi weren't close friends until their twenties after Zheng Xi came looking for a job; saying he needed a distraction from all the drama with Jian Yi. Now it's been seven years, and they worked well together, Zheng Xi taking care of the business side and Guan Shan the head chef and owner of the restaurant.

"Ok, I chickened out," Guan Shan admitted, Zheng Xi chuckled. How Zheng Xi drew out the truth from him would always be a mystery.

"It's fine, just the longer you wait, he might beat you to it and you seem set on being the one to surprise him," Zheng Xi was wearing workout clothes from a morning run, and he decided to help Guan Shan at the fish market this morning so they could gossip about the weekend.

"He won't," Mo said, he was sure He Tian had no thought of wanting to be married. He didn't have the best parents to go off of in that department where Mo had the best parents in the world with a healthy marriage to inspire his romantic idea of it with He Tian. "He's been distracted lately. Work related I'm sure of it, not that I can know."

They both looked at the fish they picked up and didn't say more knowing that mafia business would be the third wheel in their relationships. Zheng Xi and Jian Yi were together, but Zheng Xi refused to live with him so long as the other was running a crime organization. Mo didn't get in the center of that, but Zheng Xi never felt torn in a direction, always content with what he had, resigned-- but not in a negative way. Maybe that was just what happened with soul mates? Were he and He Tian like that too? Could they just be okay?

"Sooo, snapper on the menu tonight. This was a good hull for that price. I can work late tonight, so I'll be back just before dinner starts," Zheng Xi commented while putting the last crate on the counter.

"Jian Yi isn't back yet from America?" Mo asked. Zheng Xi shook his head, leaning against the counter.

"You know I don't ask why, but yeah-- he should be back in a week or two,-- month max."

"Damn-- sorry, I'm here bitching about being a chicken, and you are by yourself for a month," Guan Shan shook his head.

Zheng Xi smiled, his long hair tucked behind his ear. The other somehow grew sweeter the older he got; there was an organic romantic vibe that came off Zheng Xi which made him seem not of this time or age. His body grew out well, shoulders broad like a swimmer, and his hair he kept longer so he could pull it back if he wanted. Though, Mo thought it was more to hide his ears which Jian Yi always teased him about for some reason. They were cute if you could call a Mafia Don cute anymore (Jian Yi did use to be), his two friends-- they weren't ready to be married either, but they were sweet on each other after all this time and some extremely hostile times in their early twenties that took a long time to mend.

"You're fine; I'm glad I could see you this morning. I wasn't sure how it all went, and I was worried you might be a mess at the market alone," Zheng Xi responded in a subtle tease. Guan Shan hated how nice his friend could sometimes be, and it made him flush knowing even though he was teasing, Zheng Xi cared about him.

But Guan Shan felt disappointment flare up his ribcage that he hadn't just done it. He could be engaged right now; he could have been calling his mom this morning and telling her the good news. A sad sort of smile picturing how happy his parents would be played on his face. Zheng Xi chuckled again like he knew what he was thinking and Mo flushed, moving the closest object on the counter.

"Eh?! Don't laugh! Get out of here, go on your run--" Guan Shan pushed and shoved him out of the kitchen but was smiling, and gave the other a quick look before Zheng Xi left the restaurant. He put his hands on his hips to look around the empty room; his two other chefs will be here in two hours to finish prepping for dinner. Now he just needed to design a dish for the special tonight.

It was two hours before he had it perfected to his liking. His restaurant was popular in having surprised dishes on special, prized for making his guests try new experimental things based off of his muse and palate for the day. Sometimes he'd pull from Japanese influences, others Turkish, or obtained a Jamaican spice that smelled heavenly enough to inspire a dish. The rest of the menu was a collection of flavors from places He Tian traveled too for mafia business, but all primarily had Chinese roots.

The building wasn't big, as he never wanted anything overwhelming and preferred to have higher prices and smaller clientele. It didn't stop his place from being packed and busy, even with the required reservation.

He started cleaning up, writing down the recipe for the special snapper dish on the ticket holder, along with a few notes to add to their prep when they came in. Having been up since four am to look at the fish, he yawned, tired and ready to get some other errands done before he napped for his shift.

Walking home was quiet, as the morning hustle hadn't started yet. He missed the warmth from the ocean, the sand on his toes, and the presence of time transpiring slowly. Vacations never were long enough, and he wondered how many people got sad after they had to come back from one.

Their apartment was nearby, in a highrise that gave them safety and privacy-- or so that was what He Tian said when he picked it out.

It was quiet when he got through the door, closing it and setting the silent alarm secretly behind a picture near the door. Kicking off his shoes exposed a missing pair. It's been so long having to deal with mafia business that he wasn't surprised He Tian wasn't home; he must have gotten called to something already. He sighed, dropping a bag of groceries he picked up after the fish market to bring back and make a nice lunch later.

Guan Shan decided to sleep now, tucking into the lingering warmth from He Tian's spot in bed and fell asleep quickly in his clothes.

His phone chirped hours later stirring him awake. He grabbed the device seeing it was a call.

"Hrm?" he answered.   
"Babe, are you home? The house alarm went off,"

The nickname surprised him. Usually, He Tian used it at home or when they were alone.

"Yeah," he rubbed his eyes, sitting up with a stretch not aware of the danger he was in from the grogginess of waking abruptly up. Did he oversleep? It wasn't even ten yet. Who breaks into a house mid day? "I just took a nap after having to go to the fish market this morning..."

"Listen to me. Hide, right now. I'll be right there,"

Guan Shan blinked. "What?" the confusion climbed up this throat and he looked around as if to expect someone there. He Tian hissed through his teeth at his tone.

"Just hide, go under the bed, or I don't know, dammit! DAMMIT!! DAMMIT!!" He heard something metal crash and another person state a few words to He Tian that Guan Shan couldn't make out. There were several thuds and grunts, punches landing on flesh and he could immediately tell He Tian was beating someone senseless. His heart was racing, scared-- but he slid down and moved under the bed on command.

"I'm hiding; it's fine just-- don't get mad, stay calm, and get here okay," he whispered just when he heard the bedroom door slide open. He held his breath, clicking the volume down on the phone and muffling it against his palm. Two sets of boots came into the room; irritation caught him off guard at the muddy mess they pressed into the white carpet. They were chatting softly to each other, ruffling through the drawers and the wardrobe.

He could hear He Tian asking questions, but he got alarmed they would hear him. Mo clicked it on silent, hanging up, and turned his phone off entirely. Guan Shan got made fun of often for his behaviors, but he swears he won't fall into a stupid situation seen on TV or the movies. He Tian would panic, but that would probably get him here faster. What were they even looking for? He stilled, breaths shallow while the two people destroyed their bedroom.

Drawers fell on the ground; the bed was dumped on with their clothes. They found the safe, and they seemed happy about that which made Mo annoyed. They only kept the vital information there-- like passports and the deed on their apartment, birth certificates. There wasn't money in there.

The moment he thought that a face peered under the bed, their eyes widened in surprise, and Mo hated that he froze in shock.

"Get him!" two hands grabbed at him, and he bit the one which palmed his face, and turned to scramble to the other side. Warm scratches felt raw on his face, but he managed to get out just when they sat up, the only door blocked. Mo wasn't going to make this easy.

"You do realize whose house this is right?" he tested to see if they knew the He name, adding a sure smirk to his face. Fist curled and ready to fight.

The two looked at each other; their masks pulled up over the lower half of their face. Their appearance looked foreign, eyes a wide almond shape and one had blonde hair curled near his cheeks.

 _"Shut up-- open the safe,"_ English came between them which momentarily confused Guan Shan. He blinked stupidly paused while he tried to understand the foreign words he hadn't studied as well back in school, but a gun pulled out at the pause, and Mo's expression fell. Fear settled heavy in his gut that this might turn for the worse quicker than he'd ever expected. He reluctantly put his hands up.

 _"This place was supposed to be empty,"_ one of the guys said again in English, ushering with the gun for Mo to walk towards them. He got the command and did, gritting his teeth, the second guy forced him to his knees harshly and gripped the back of his neck igniting all the hickies still present.

Was he about to die? His heart was in his throat, feeling dizzy and sick as adrenaline and fear flared his body into a craze of fight or flight.

The blonde one walked around and grabbed his hand, pressing it to the safe. It clicked open and the guy rooted through it on the bed.

"See, told you idiots--" he muttered under his breath. The gun struck his head, the pain sharp and sent his vision to reduce to black for a second. When he opened his eyes, the right one pulsed hotly, a damp streak of blood caught on his eyelash and hit the top of his cheek. What the hell.

"Diamonds! Where?" he was asked in broken Mandarin.

"What diamonds?" Guan Shan responded, hands shaking in fury and fear. "We don't keep anything here."

They were quiet, Mo feeling the gun aimed at his head from the side as frustration and maybe desperation became evident on their faces. They were speaking in English again, and he wasn't catching everything, only specific words. Mo was intimidated now. Usually, he'd be okay with fighting, he'd throw down to defend anyone even himself, but guns were always something that bothered him. They seemed so unpredictable-- able to take his life in a fucking second if he wasn't careful.

_"Maybe it's not.... expected it here..."_   
_"... he doesn't know on purpose,"_   
_"lying... ask again,"_

They were speaking in hushed English, and Mo couldn't keep up with it. The gun pressed into the bleeding wound on his temple, the cold shock of metal making him close his eyes and wince as they kept arguing. The bottom of his lungs weighed down his breaths into a quickened pace.

"Where would he hide them--" he was demanded in his native tongue again, though badly he got the gist. Mo thought about their space; he was assured they didn't keep any valuables here for this very reason. Where would He Tian hide something he didn't want Mo to know about? Guan Shan hid the ring he bought for He Tian in a container of noodles in the cabinet knowing He Tian would never open it. Could it be somewhere obvious like that?

"Check, maybe--" he raked his brain. Where was a place he wouldn't look through even on accident? "Try, the gun cabinet," he said as calm as he could.

_"What?"_

The two men growled at one another and pulled him up when they didn't understand. He staggered a little, the world a hair black along the edges and tilting. He had the gun tucked now under his jaw from behind, another arm from the larger man wrapped around his front to keep him still. It was a stupid move in his opinion. He pointed at the cabinet. If he did shoot him, it risked the angle hitting himself, or if Mo could find the bravery, he could elbow the arm back and take the gun from him. 

But he couldn't bring himself to do it; fear surprisingly paralyzed him-- eyes widen and confused while he looked at the door wondering when someone would come through it. Blood dripped down to burn his eye closed, and he swallowed thickly as he was maneuvered to the side, the arm tight enough around his throat that he had his hands against his forearm in alarm.

He could fight them. Maybe he should try, but He Tian always said to let things play out in these cases. Most of the time they don't want a dead body on their hands, a witness that couldn't talk about Mafia business was better than dealing with the wrath of murdering a member. But all that logic and understanding only made Guan Shan think he should do something stupid-- like elbow this guy in the gut and knock this gun away from his head. But he held still for a few seconds more. The other man who had long black hair pulled into a bun at the nape of his neck removed a tool to break into the gun case which was a glass cabinet made of cherry wood. It wasn't meant to look imposing, more there as a practical yet decorative accent in their room. The shatter of the glass made him wince, and the other man grumbled for him to hurry up.

It seemed forever. How far away was He Tian? Was someone coming because of the silent alarm? Would the response be no longer than five minutes? Guan Shan settled his thoughts on attempting to break this hold, he could see the moves in his head, He Tian having put him in this very position many times over and he's gotten free before--

The door swung open in a violent slam against the wall, standing there He Tian in the front and three others just behind. Mo's eyes grew for a second, taking in the closed, bloody fists of his lover, and the feral snarl that had his face tipped to make him look imposing and damn scary. He reached out for him out of instinct, and he caught the fear reflected in He Tian's eyes in that second of movement. The gun went off near his head, making his entire world disappear as it went to immediate darkness and pain. He screamed, and the rest of the noise of the room became a buzz of white noise. Guan Shan felt his knees hit the ground, holding the side of his head over his ear which was damp between his fingers. The arm around his throat held him in place, using Mo as cover as the gun went off again-- Mo was sure he screamed again when the heat of the metal burned near his cheek.

More gunfire went off, the only thing coming through the noise. Mo panted as the pain made him feel delirious, a foot kicked past his side, and the body behind him stumbled, someone attempted to grab him as he rolled away, but the bruising grip was yanked away from him quickly. Mo curled in on himself when he hit the ground and moaned in pain, his hand covering his ear. Things happened, but he didn't know what, only a familiar set of hands turned him onto his back while cradling his neck, he could feel him being checked over-- parts of his body squeezed and made sure he wasn't hurt anywhere else. His eyes squeezed closed-- he couldn't hear anything. He cracked open his good eye, the other swelling and the blood still burned it.

He Tian was covered in splatters of red, eyes pitted darkness, and Guan Shan watched his mouth moving, but he couldn't hear anything. His eyes fluttered closed, and He Tian shook him more, unable to make out the sounds warped through his damaged eardrum. He laid there still for a few troubling breaths fading into and out of the darkness while He Tian stood up and turned towards the two intruders. Did he get shot? Was he dying? Time seemed strange and flowing, hating that this would be the way to go when he felt his life should continue on. Regret ate at him for not asking He Tian about marriage; his cowardliness could have cost him the chance to know his answer.

\--  
He Tian wasn't looking down at him when he cracked open his eye again. Feeling his partners hand rubbing circles on the top of his own, and giving orders to someone. There was gauze near his ear, and the blood wasn't in his eye as much. He Tian looked cleaned up and wore a suit, the two other men, and woman near the door was nodding toward his orders. Guan Shan realized he was in the hospital when the glass window by their side wasn't from home.

"Ugh," he grunted, trying to remove the fog from his mind.

"Hey," He Tian said, and he heard him, but it was from his one ear and distant. _Damn_. "Don't sit up too much; you will get dizzy."

The world was spinning a little, and he nodded in understanding, situating himself up with some help so he could wake up fully. His face didn't hurt, but he could feel it pulsing under the skin where it was bruised and a little swollen.

"You ruptured your eardrum from the gun next to your head," He Tian explained quietly though speaking normally, his hand left caressed his face. His other ear hadn't been hurt as bad, but not everything was easily heard. The calmly spoken words wobbled around in his head, blinking a few times to better focus on He Tian's mouth-- but he couldn't read anything any better.

He Tian slid more on the bed, so his elbow and forearm were across his hip and rubbing soft circles, but it didn't feel like comfort. The expression on He Tian's face was dark and angry and Mo remembered flashes of what his lover did to those two people.

He inhaled and exhaled slowly feeling frustrated and vulnerable. "You promised we wouldn't keep business stuff there." His tone was aggressive, not looking at He Tian when he said it. He felt him stiffen, and the enamel of Mo's teeth clenched to the point he popped his jaw as he also got angry He Tian leaned forward and kissed his cheek, rubbing a fading hickey on this neck with his thumb.

"Why did you do that? They-- came into our home because of--" 

 _You_. Lingered, but remained unsaid. 

He Tian left, leaving a cold breeze and a dreadful feeling caught Mo's throat and seized his heart as he looked over wide-eyed towards the door.

"Don't go--" There were two people by the door now, arms folded, and looked severe against the landscape of the hospital with their black suits and glasses. He Tian didn't turn back, walking away with a close of the door.


	3. Sinner

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter doesn't have He Tian, but I think you will enjoy it as its setting up the meeting for next chapter. Cheers <3

Guan Shan was in his restaurant's kitchen the next day. Coming directly from the hospital, not even going home after showering and changing there because he had to give the slip on the guards watching his door.

He had stitches on his brow bone from the blunt force trauma of the gun, but they were well covered and treated not to worry him about infection. No concussion either which was why he knew it was safe for him to be here. His eardrum was a problem, mostly because the world would get dizzy if he weren't careful, and he couldn't hear as well, but he put himself on desserts tonight to keep alone, and his trusted staff took over the kitchen without any hiccups after he tasted everything.

Zheng Xi was visibly upset, but he didn't say anything directly to Mo about it. The night went by quickly, allowing him to stop thinking about his living room covered in blood and the explosion from the muzzle. They had actual 'cleaners' there all day already, and he was assured on the phone by another person that it would look like new.

But would it feel like home anymore?

"Hey," Zheng Xi nudged him, and he realized he had spaced out. "You can take time off. Don't be a stubborn idiot--"

"I just got back from vacation, I am not doing that," Guan Shan mumbled out. "I just need a week on desserts then I am back into the swing of things."

"It takes two or more months to heal your ear alone," Zheng Xi, ever smart and practical in his research, explained.

"Of course you looked into it, I said it's fine, it's fine," Guan Shan sighed. "Seriously, okay? I need this."

Zheng Xi nodded, moving over to the order line again to begin shouting at the staff. He was on food quality control tonight, and Guan Shan felt gratitude he had some backup right now, especially with He Tian not returning his texts or calls since he left.

The night came to an end and outside was a black car and two suited men. "Sir, please. You must get in," he was greeted with, Zheng Xi was next to him and offered an overprotective hand on his forearm that gripped him to a stop.

"You can stay with me. I'm still alone for another few days remember?" Zheng Xi offered with the faintest frown. Guan Shan looked at the security and scowled, curling his hands into fists.

"Get lost," Mo said to the black-suited man.

"Come on-- thanks," he responded to Zheng Xi. They started walking down the street and were promptly chased by one of the guards.

"We have orders to make sure you get home safe-- you already left the hospital against--"

He whirled around so fast he went sideways, Zheng Xi grabbed his shirt and righted him. The world rotated onto the man and finally focused with a few blinks.

"Fuck you!" He growled, the noise low and frustrated. "Tell him... you tell He Tian that I don't take orders from anyone! I don't need this and-- you need to back off before I make a scene." It felt odd to feel so much anger right now when he was mostly tired and sore, and the words made his stomach sink wondering if He Tian really thought he was in danger.

Resolve smoothed the wrinkled frustration between his brows and he turned to walk with Zheng Xi. "I'm staying with my friend, relay that to that shithead, stay outside his house for all I care but don't talk to me or Zheng Xi again. You are not welcome near me."

He turned. Zheng Xi was softly smiling and keeping an eye on his steps, so he didn't fall over from his injury.

A few days passed.

"You really haven't talked to him yet?" Zheng Xi asked when they got to his place after another long work night. The apartment modest and messy though comfortable and roomy. One light was turned on, he kicked off his shoes and made for the couch to plop. He probably shouldn't be working like Zheng Xi wanted, but he couldn't sit here alone all day while he healed up.

"He hasn't said a word to me since he left. I don't even know where he is. He's a fucking dick," Guan Shan declared. Zheng Xi pulled out two bags of chips and juice boxes and came into the living room.

"Jian Yi messaged me this morning and said he's with him,"

Mo's eyes widened. "What? Are you serious? Why didn't you tell me earlier? Is he in America? This shit all over again..."

Zheng Xi looked away.

"He Tian's wrath is usable for him isn't it..." Guan Shan was spiraling and visibly got upset, cradling his head as pain swept in through the laceration.

"You know Jian Yi doesn't tell me much so I stay safe," Zheng Xi admitted looking out the window, "but, Jian Yi swore to me he was looking out for He Tian. He will follow his orders, and I'm sure-- Jian Yi will make sure he doesn't ruin himself in his anger. It's the best of this situation-- in their eyes. Fixing the problem physically has always been their go to."

"Damn--" he shuddered, imagining Jian Yi ordering He Tian to America to keep an eye on him. It felt so long ago that they weren't into this sort of life, but Jian Yi as the head don made their lives equal parts dangerous and simpler. Back when they were teenagers, Jian Yi had been such a dork, bright smiles, and immature. But he could be scary now, hair long and body filled out to be menacing. A lot of people worked under his command. Taking over the family business did him well-- and Xixi was right to be wary of his old love before they fixed things between them.

They were quiet for a moment.

"He killed those guys with his bare hands," Guan Shan said quietly, shaking his head lightly before leaning back and opening the juice box. "I was in and out of consciousness, but I remember him strangling the one. How purple his face got-- eyes bugging out." He shivered. "And the last guy watched and He Tian, he put on a pair of brass knuckles while they held him and he just hit him over and over until he stopped breathing."

Guan Shan knew He Tian's wrath wasn't something to witness. There were times in his life when he was shocked at how protective he was, but he never felt scared like that before. Maybe, it was naive to think their partners weren't killers, weren't involved with crime, and shady business when they could leave a healthy normal life in their restaurant.

"Are we stupid? For loving people who can do that?" Guan Shan asked. Zheng Xi, leaned back as well, hugging a banana pillow.

"Probably, but love is dumb sometimes. Would we really be content with some calm romantic story and perfect harmony?"

Guan Shan didn't fear his lover, but right now-- he was heartbroken he left him after that.

"I think I need a break, not that he's talking to me, but-- I think I'm going to step away for a while. Clear my head and make sure I still want this," he swallowed thickly, thinking about the ring lost in the condo he couldn't return too. He'd always see it coated in droplets of blood, splattered up walls and along with his floor. The sounds echoing around in his head blurred out the romance, and the fun they had there.

He just needed some time.

Zheng Xi understood. "I think that's fair," Zheng Xi said. "Stay with me for however long you need; I have the extra room. Your goons can talk with my goons and keep themselves busy outside."

They both snickered and rolled their eyes, though a strange acceptance felt sad on both parties.

Guan Shan took his offer.

Over three weeks additionally passed and not once did He Tian call him or answer his phone. The color on his forehead was yellow and soft reds, with spots of purple under his eye from the blood sinking into the pocket. Regardless, it was almost healed. He'd have a black eye only for another day or two.

"Okay, the last one," Guan Shan said from the bar, a little blush on his cheeks as he slammed the shot on the counter and took it with all his employees. There were a few yips and minor celebrations, but the restaurant served a prestigious food critic a day ago and got a fantastic review. They were out celebrating after their close; it was nearly one am.

The bar wasn't crowded right now, the place they picked was more a 'gotta know' sort of location, and they took up most of the seats to shoo others away. Zheng Xi reassured he'd let the business card foot the bill, so the woman was well paid.

Music was playing, and his employees were dancing and singing to pop songs the owner reluctantly put on. The alcohol made him flush, and he shouldn't be drinking when he needed to get up early tomorrow, but he didn't want to miss out on this one night. The goons could take them back to Zheng Xi's anyway.

There were four televisions on, each playing various things on repeat from the earlier day. He didn't ordinarily keep up on international news, but the one article playing showed a mansion in American on fire.

He watched them fly over it from a helicopter, pulling back to reveal it was an entire plantation that seemed targeted for an attack. Every building was aflame, from sheds to the four other houses stationed on the land, even the barns. They were calling it an isolated attack as there seemed to have been illegal business happening at the time of the explosions. Authorities were seeking out who did it, thinking it could be gang violence. Guan Shan stared at the screen hypnotized, seeing the number dead in the high forties.

"Did you see that earlier? You always watch the news," he gruffly accused. Zheng Xi sipped his drink.

"We don't know if it's them,"

"Like hell we don't," he curled his hands. "High forties, wow-- how can I ever look him in the eye again? Knowing that? How can you--"

"We don't know it's them," Zheng Xi repeated. "And even if it was, it's their job. Accept it or don't. It's just what it is; we never assumed to change them."

Guan Shan for well over a decade understood the business He Tian and Jian Yi were involved in, and it never bothered him before. Why was he so mad?

"You just miss him, I hope you guys can forgive each other," Zheng Xi said low, so no one heard them, but Mo only caught a few words from his ear still on the mend.

Maybe he did. Perhaps he was just angry because he didn't stay with him, and decided mass murder was a better direction for his focus. How could you think wrath was the answer? It would eventually fizzle out. Would he have to pick up the He Tian pieces? How unfair. While he laid at night alone in pain for something, not his fault.

"Tsk," he looked away from the news feed. Everyone else was having a good time, and the two of them sat quietly at the bar watching. He was thankful he had his own business to keep him occupied. Guan Shan would always have that fire in him, but he wasn't quick to temper anymore. Not after years of learning to direct it towards a better focus, but he was upset this time. So much, that he made up his decision while watching his employees enjoy themselves.

When he got into bed that night, he pulled out his phone, not expecting an answer. As there were over a few dozen texts to He Tian from himself and no response to any of them.

Outgoing He Tian:  
\-- fuck you for leaving me-- seriously  
\-- you cant do this to me

Incoming:   
\-- calm down little mo

His cheeks flushed, belly warmed by alcohol; he felt angry instantly, but he couldn't deny that seeing the text made tears swell in his eyes. He snarled, wiping them away.

Outgoing:  
\-- im done with you

There was a long pause; then the phone was ringing. It scared Mo at first, clicking the sound off to stare at the unknown number from another country. He swallowed thickly, putting the phone to his healthy ear and answered without saying anything. There was just breathing on the other side; it seemed labored like he had run.

"Babe," the word came through hoarse, "don't joke about that okay?"

Mo inhaled. "I am serious," he whispered, wishing it came out stronger, so He Tian believed him.

"I won't listen to that,"

"The fuck does that even mean?! I'm telling you were done. Just stay where ever you are and don't fucking come back," Guan Shan felt tears fall down his cheeks without his knowing, and he pressed his face into the pillow to ignore them.

"Don't cry," He Tian sounded pained, and he groaned. "I'm almost done here; you don't have to say stuff like that."

"Are you so self-absorbed again?" Mo gritted, "you killed those guys, in our living room. And-- got away with it and then you left me? Fuckin--"

"No one knows they died,"

Mo was in a moment shock. "Do you hear yourself?" his heart was racing, "do you kill people all the time?"

"No," He Tian sounded like he sat down, inhaling around a cigarette. "I kinda lost it when I saw a gun to your head. I didn't intend to kill them--"

Mo closed his eyes, clutching the pillow.

He could say it. He could say it.

"I needed you."  
"I know,"  
"But you still left me..."

The sounds of the wind blowing against the microphone on He Tian's side filled their quiet. Mo didn't know what else to say, feeling embarrassed and frustrated. He Tian wasn't saying anything more either.

"I'm going, don't-- don't bother finding me when you get back," Mo pulled the phone away, going to click the hangup button when he heard the 'love you' through the receiver. It seemed to have been said as if Mo had hung up, distant like the phone hovered by He Tian's leg instead of his face. He wondered if He Tian realized he hadn't hung up. Mo heard a noise, and Jian Yi's voice carried through soon after.

"Don't throw that phone into the water. He's angry cause you didn't talk to him-- kind of a dick move," Jian Yi replied cheerily, "we'll be home soon. We need their stability, or we will be-- well. Fucking crazy--"

He Tian snapped, "makes it sound like you are using Zheng Xi just for that." There was a shuffle of bodies, and Jian Yi's voice got closer.

"Don't start-- you were scared that day. That-- and only that is the reason you came here instead of staying home. Don't lash out... it was a good distraction, but it's just that. Those diamonds you stole caused a huge issue for me-- not just for Mo Guan Shan... you--"

Guan Shan got scared he'd be discovered snooping, and he quickly disconnected the call not wanting to hear any more. Guan Shan was holding his breath. The phone held out an inch from his face.

Imagining He Tian scared was odd, but Mo's stomach churn at the confirmation He Tian had the diamonds all along. They were at the house-- he had broken a house rule, lied about it-- put himself in danger. Guan Shan curled up, anger burning his veins, but it faded into sadness wishing he had just told him about it. Maybe they could have dealt with it together.

"You idiot--" was all he could say. "Fucking idiot."


	4. Perfection

More time passed, the work days blending into each other and the scent of the guest bed at his friend's house disappeared to become his own. Mo, to an outsider, seemed too quiet for his personality, but he didn't have the energy to do more than work. Waiting for the time when things fixed themselves or he exploded. Mo figured it could possibly be both at the same time.

Zheng Xi was laughing hard, it was raw and boisterous, sending his friend forward to press his knees with his palms. Guan Shan was trying not to smile, but it cracked and spread, and then he was laughing with everyone in the kitchen. The cake they had bought for their friend splattered across the floor-- gloriously mind you. The funny part wasn't that though, the topper they had put on there as a joke had ricocheted and landed into a pot of sauce where it proceeded to slowly sink with its arms above their head like they were in quicksand and drowning.

Mo tried to put on another frown, but it was fake, arms crossed to appear disappointed, but the laughter from everyone was infectious, even to his typically grumpy self. They would see through it anyway.

"Okay, clean it up-- I'll order something later," he chuckled, watching one of the chef's take out the topper while wiping tears from their eyes from giggling.

"We need perfection tonight-- this isn't the best of starts, but morale feels high for losing the cake," Zheng Xi announced to the wait staff, the chefs were listening as well. "Happy Birthday's will have to pause for the moment," his lips cracked a smile, and it almost sent everyone into another fit of laughter.

"We are open for only three hours tonight-- our guests are some of the best in the industry. After reading about us and seeing the rating we got, they are all here to see it for themselves. Don't be nervous; we got this. Business as usual and we will be fine,"

Guan Shan never worked harder on that nine-course meal.

When the restaurant closed, he was exhausted. Zheng Xi had headed home already after he decided to make sure he had some plan for tomorrow since his creative muse was flowing. He walked out, tossing a lightweight jacket on his shoulders.

Guan Shan paused. Shock, surprise, and anger ricochetted in his gut at He Tian leaning against a black SUV, enjoying a smoke and looked like he was waiting for him. There were a thousand things he wanted to say-- it was confusing.

The most infuriating emotion was that he was genuinely happy to see him. How could he just forgive him like that? He Tian ran away cause something was scary... because he fucked up and he never gave Mo a chance to reassure him it would be okay. To leave him when Guan Shan was in pain and alone-- to pile all this shit on Zheng Xi-- that was the core of his anger.

Yet here he is. Looking tired but fucking gorgeous and handsome, confident and so sure of himself. Guan Shan had to stop every single instinct to walk forward and either punch him in the face or wrap him in a hug.

"Oy, I told you not to find me," he said roughly, fingers clenched by his side to stop himself from doing more.

"When have I ever listened to you?" He Tian responded, chin down and eyes lifted. "Come on; I want to go home."

"I don't live with you anymore," Guan Shan walked away, heading down the sidewalk. He knew he'd follow him; Mo just needed to keep up this tough exterior because his heart elevated from hearing his voice again. God, Mo was still irrevocably in love with him. Why did he do this to himself?

Why love this asshole after that stunt?

Cause he wasn't entirely mad anymore, exhausted maybe, and probably sad. But his anger had fizzled out in the last few weeks, even more after thinking about what Jian Yi had said when he wasn't supposed to be listening. Finger's laced with his clenched ones, releasing the tension and feather-light moved to press interlocked with his own. He didn't stop walking, but He Tian was in step with him.

"I'm not perfect, I-- can make a mistake right?" He Tian asked, "you didn't mean it. I know you didn't, why are you still pretending you don't want me?"

"Cause you deserve it," Guan Shan responded roughly, but it felt childish. He grumbled and clicked his tongue.

"So we fight for how long?"

"However long I want," Guan Shan said with a turn, stopping them. "Say you are sorry, and fucking mean it."

He Tian frowned. "Sorry for what?"

"AH! See, god you are a fucking asshole-- get away from me," Guan Shan yanked his hand away and shoved the other, but He Tian didn't make to stop him, he just took the step back not to fall over.

"I'm not sorry for what I did, I can't lie to you about that," He Tian said looking back down towards their ride. "I'd do it again in a heartbeat-- if someone walked up right now and pushed you-- I'd fuckin--"

"Stop," Guan Shan interrupted, palming his face and feeling exasperated. He Tian wasn't good at showing his love, he got that, but this was too much. "What is wrong with you? I don't need this level of protection from you. I don't want you hurting people for me; I don't want you thinking I am this weak person and can't stand up for myself."

"You're not weak," He Tian scolded after his words, "I just don't want to see a gun pointed at your head because of some shit I did."

"A tree could fall on me right now, would you chop the tree up and burn it as punishment?"  
  
He Tian looked like he absolutely would. Of course.

Once more remembering what Jian Yi said through the phone when he wasn't supposed to be listening; Guan Shan sighed. His younger self would have hit him, just wailed on him until he was tired, but Guan Shan missed his stupid face and his company. Even though He Tian needed to work on some things, having him back here in person immediately changed how he felt about it all. Was this adulthood at it's prime? Able to see things beyond whats in front of you? To forgive.

"Why did you take those diamonds?" He asked.

He Tian didn't give way to any surprise he asked that. "They were trading them for guns. Jian Yi didn't want that to happen, so I took care of it the only way I could without blowing the place up."

"Were they at our house?"

"No, how they got my name was why I was with Jian Yi in America, we lured the last of them there--,"

Mo breathed. "You blew up that mansion,"

He Tian shook his head, leaning closer so Mo could hear him better while speaking softer. "No, we were at that mansion with allies-- we barely escaped after the showdown. We lost a lot of friends."

Guan Shan eyes widened suddenly noticing a burn on top of He Tian's shoulder peaking through his collar. He was curious about everything now, but what gave him relief was that He Tian and Jian Yi hadn't been killed in that explosion. Zheng Xi had been right not to assume it was them doing the arson. It was terrifying to know He Tian's name somehow got out there for an enemy to hunt down-- but He Tian left the country so they wouldn't look for Mo. He gritted his teeth.

God, he wanted to hug him right now. Fear puddled in his gut that He Tian could have died in America-- he could have burned alive and he'd probably not know right away.

"Promise me you won't leave me next time shit goes down," Guan Shan said, lifting his hand to pause He Tian who looked like he wanted to object. "I don't care how scary it is or how mad you are. Promise me right now, or I am--" He left the words hanging. Silence surrounded them, just the sounds of the city and a few cars passing by. He Tian frowned, but his eyes never once darted from his own.

"I promise,"

Guan Shan's cheeks flushed a little. It felt like a vow of sorts, and his mind teased him of what he had been too chicken to do during their vacation almost a month ago now. If he had proposed at the beach would He Tian not have left? No. Stop. He closed his eyes, releasing a slow exhale as he felt his space intruded on, warm breath near his face. Finger's trailed down his jaw, the other hand wrapping around the contour of his neck, forehead pressed into his own. He swallowed thickly, smelling the lingering scent of cigarettes and leather from the coat He Tian wore.

He opened his eyes and saw the relaxed expression on He Tian's face while he held him. Heavy emotions clouded his better judgment, making his toes lift, and tentatively brought their mouths together. He Tian shuttered under his grip, and Guan Shan moved his hands up his chest and deepened the kiss, tilting his head, feeling He Tian's fingers squeeze into his pulse point as he groaned low in his throat.

Mo pulled back slowly, his breath hitched. Wanting more.

"We will never be perfect," He Tian said quietly, "we actually suck at normalcy so its impossible. We will do our best together." He Tian was leaning in, wanting more too but Guan Shan pushed his face away with a chuckle.

"Come on," Guan Shan swung around and walked them back to the truck.

They didn't drive to their old block, the place they pulled up too was obstructed with a gate. It looked secure, with key codes and someone looking into the car to see who was in there. He Tian seemed calm while he held his hand, other fingers tucked under his jaw and peering out the window the entire time. Mo didn't speak either, tired from his long night. It was weird to go so long avoiding each other, and then to find silence comfortable.

The inside of the building decorated in dark wood and navy blue, silver accents. They took an elevator up, the industrious style meeting them in chrome and mirrors. He Tian used a unique key to light up the penthouse button, and when it opened, it came right into the home. It was gorgeous, and yet warm and relaxed.

"I got rid of almost everything from the old place, except your stuff. Went through it all myself," He Tian announced, walking into the foyer and then towards the open kitchen.

"When did you get back to do all that?" Guan Shan grumbled.

"A few days ago," He Tian pressed his palms into the granite, looking out at the expanse of a city below and the spacious living area which contained most of their stuff stored in new furniture. He Tian even organized their books, and upon closer examination, literally, everything-- down to the hall closet was put together how Mo liked it.

"You honestly had no help," he lifted a skeptic brow, and He Tian shook his shoulder, and finally a smile met his lips. "Maybe a little."

Guan Shan looked around the entire place, finding it beautiful and simple. Wide, and had extra rooms for guests. The windows allowed light through, but no one could see in. It was peaceful being so high up; the world seemed bigger-- more exciting somehow.

A thought struck him like a bullet. His eyes widened, and he ran towards the kitchen in a frantic scramble, opening the cabinets while he looked for the container that had been hiding the ring he bought He Tian.

"Did you grab things from the pantry," he was panting, pulling everything out in a wild mess.

"This you mean?" He Tian held out the small box, and Guan Shan was sure he turned as red as his hair.

"Give me that!"

He Tian ran from him. "Nope! It's mine!"

"No! It's fucking not!!" he chased after him. "You haven't earned it back! I haven't forgiven you yet! You didn't let me do it right!"

He Tian stopped and turned perfectly to have Guan Shan run into his chest, he wrapped him into a hug in the hallway, squeezing him tightly to the point of lifting him off the ground and swung his feet side to side.

"Were you really going to ask me before I left?"

"No! I wanted to keep something super hidden from you because I wasn't going to," Guan Shan squirmed. "You ruined this too-- such a selfish butthole. I really hate you now--"

He Tian laughed and smiled stupidly. Guan Shan heard the quiver of emotion he was attempting to mask and was struck stupid himself at how beautiful He Tian was when he didn't seem to have worries.

"Well here," he put him down and placed the box in his hand. He Tian walked to their bedroom, pulling off his shirt and started getting into sleep pants. Guan Shan stood in the doorway for a second, his heart racing, and mind yelling at him from a thousand directions. He was still mad-- but the initial contact had fizzled down this anger considerably now, standing in their new home and knowing He Tian wouldn't do it again seemed to have resolved their fight. But what now?

"Shit--" he gritted his teeth, walking into the room with a blush and a shake to his hands. He Tian was on the bed, removing his socks when Guan Shan plopped onto the floor at his feet, his knees softly landing in the rug. He Tian didn't make to touch him, but his smirk was warm and welcoming in that annoyingly attractive way.

"I got this months ago, and it's part of why I was so mad at you. I figured if it were so easy to leave me like that, you'd never consider this. I didn't want to feel what it would be like for you to say no to me," Guan Shan rolled his eyes, hating he had to put this into words.

"I won't leave again," He Tian said again, looking at him with so much adoration Mo's cheeks flared hotly. "I mean it, I'm sorry for hurting you, just seeing you made me-- further realize how much I love and need you. I won't do it again. I'll get better at talking to you."

Guan Shan rubbed his chest like an arrow flew through his heart. His cheeks were hot, and his chest lifted a little as the airways restricted.

"Just say yes..." He mumbled, and clutched He Tian's finger and held the ring on the tip of it-- going to shove it on, but he paused, seeing scars along the ridges of his lover's knuckles, and the faint bruising still lingering there along with a wrapped burn. He leaned forward, sliding the ring on and wrapped his arms around He Tian's center in a forward plop between his legs. He felt bandages around his middle he didn't know were there, and Mo felt a pang of concern that he could have lost He Tian because of his running away.

"This is stupid," he mumbled through his thoughts. "I want to be mad at you, but I just love you too much."

"Awe, Little Mo..." He Tian teased, hugging him back. "But yes."

"Yes?" Guan Shan pulled back.

"I said yes,"  
"I didn't ask,"  
"But it's yes,"  
"You said yes cause I told you to say yes? or yes yes cause you want to say yes,"

Mo was low key freaking out, but He Tian was laughing beautifully to distract him. He Tian grabbed his face, squishing his cheeks. "Yes, I want to marry you."

"Wow," Guan Shan's heart might have stopped.

"You aren't going to faint or something crazy right?" He Tian seemed suddenly concerned, leaning forward to be sure it didn't happen.

"What? No! Why! NO!!" he shoved him lightly. "Just, this is so far from perfect, it's not how I wanted to propose to you. I'm still upset, but also I want to forgive you, and look!!" He poked his shoulder harshly. "Even with this-- we messed it all up."

"Nothing is messed up," He Tian mumbled into his hair, kissing his ear.

"Somehow it-- it's perfect because it's that way," Guan Shan mused.

"You're cute,"   
"I AM NOT!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yay they finally talk and get their stories straight lol


	5. Fear

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw to being triggered and its realistic to how it happens to myself so just be careful, guan shan also gets tied up at the end but its very intimate over sexual :)

They were at a local boxing gym. Guan Shan was reading up on a few articles about a new cooking technique which caught his eye. The thrum of energy in the gym always motivated him to get busy work done, and while he was reading that he was also doing his food ordering. He Tian was training for the next few hours, and it was also not the worse thing to glance up and see.

They had entirely made up now, more than a month has passed since his return. Mo wondered if he had jumped the gun with proposing, but any concerns faded now that they were living together again and tried to be better about talking.

Mo lifted his gaze off the food order form and watched He Tian wail on a punching bag, his coach was yelling at him from the other side. He Tian was shirtless right now; red scars adorned in places from burns-- sweats dropping low on his abdomen where two white ties swished from the movement. His tongue darted out when He Tian switched tactic and kicked out instead, the sound of his shin hitting resounded through the room.

The coach walked around with his finger pointing in accusation to He Tian's fury. He always said 'anger clouded the better path in a fight which required focus not emotions.' He Tian's wrapped fists hung by his side, his chest lifting and lowering quickly from the workout. Sweat glistened below his hairless chest, to find pathways down through crevices and abs before hitting his waistband.

He Tian looked right at him, and Mo didn't even hide he was staring. He smirked, and Guan Shan raised a brow in a challenge before mouthing. "Listen to him--"

He Tian apologized to his teacher with a bow, and quickly set up to continue his sets.

He got everything done in about two hours which was a new record. Zheng Xi would be grateful it got done on time since him, and Jian Yi are gone for the next few days.

"Ready to go?" He Tian had a towel around his neck, freshly showered and wearing a tight white t-shirt that showed off everything he worked on today. Mo glared at the swell of bicep and shoulders when He Tian took a drink of water.

"You thirsty?" He Tian asked after he was done drinking, smirking at outing him in public. He just growled. How could He Tian make drinking water and wearing a t-shirt so fricken hot?

"Shut up," He grabbed his bag, piling the last of his work into a shoulder satchel.

"Let's grab lunch," He Tian tossed his arm over him, pulling him to the side to bump hips. Guan Shan had flashbacks to younger days while they moved out of sync, not realizing affections were real and not some hormonal fantasy. He Tian shouted his goodbyes to his coach and few friends over his shoulder in passing.

They walked down the sidewalk in the midday sun, it was a little chilly with the changing seasons, but He Tian's body was warm from his workout to keep them both comfortable without a coat.

"Sandwiches," He Tian announced outside a place where the line was long, but the smell was heavenly. Guan Shan's stomach growled in acknowledgment making He Tian laugh and rub it. He knocked his hand away embarrassed and grumbled further when He Tian snuggled his nose in his cheek and hairline to tease him more.

"You are being weird," Guan Shan complained, walking forward to get into line.

"I'm lovesick," He Tian said without a second delay. "You watching me today-- made me horny."

"Ugh," Guan Shan rolled his eyes and tried not to show that his pulse kicked up a bit. "Didn't know you had a kink like that."

"I didn't either, so eat up quick so I can take you home,"

"I will enjoy my sandwich at the pace I want, you idiot," Guan Shan had a smile tugging on the edges of his lips. "But I'm not opposed, but only if you don't rush me."

"Hrm," He Tian kept close by his side with his arm draped over his shoulders so he could tilt his head down and rub his nose in his hair or nibble at his ear. Guan Shan knew it was also because he still got off balance cause of his eardrum rupture which was finally healed up. He Tian didn't want him to fall or trip. It was distracting as all hell, and he felt his cheeks flush when a few people gave them frowning looks at how snuggly they were. He stared the one person down so hard they flinched and turned to gossip with their friend.

A loud horn blared from an angry truck driver on the road behind them, and Guan Shan tensed. His heart lifting to his throat as fear suddenly clenched his chest. He Tian peered over at the driver but didn't say anything, just rubbed his shoulder.

"What the hell..." Mo muttered.

Finally getting their sandwiches, Guan Shan led them towards a table on the sidewalk. It was busy per usual for lunch hour, but it was nice to have the buzz of people around to drone out other sounds. His ear wouldn't ever hear perfectly again, and it was irritating more than anything else, but he was oddly used to the world not sounding so damn loud all the time. It made him focus on what was essential and in a way it made him feel closer to He Tian when he spoke to him.

"I'm going to run across the way and get us something sweet to take home," He Tian said after he finished his sandwich. He leaned forward and kissed Mo's lips. "Be right back." The gleam of the shiny black ring caught Mo's eye making him smile.

Guan Shan waved him off, taking an oversized bite and enjoying the flavors with a soft groan of approval. He unconsciously pulled out a few things from his bag, flipping through a magazine he got for inspiration ideas for the wedding. Zheng Xi had been helping him before they left the country for a small trip away, and Guan Shan didn't feel that stressed about the planning quite yet.

Another horn blared from the same driver trapped in a parking spot because of someone else. His heart clenched again, and he rubbed the area as he glared at the guy.

"Seriously..."

Someone then sat in He Tian's seat, their fingers long with nails dipped in deep blue, face round, and hair brown and tucked into a professional bun. They had a business suit on, and glasses that shrouded her eyes and appeared like they were a government agent or well known Mafia goon.

"Get the fuck out of here, that's not your seat," Guan Shan said without a filter; taking another bite while he tried to swallow the knot in his throat from the loud noise.

"Oh," she said, voice light and airy. It made his spine tingle in nerves. "I have something to propose."

Guan Shan frowned, swallowing his bite and narrowing her a fury infused glare. "I said-- bye,"

"You are awfully intrepid," she pulled her sunglasses off, revealing hooded eyes lined with winged liner and a scar down through her upper cheek and peaked up between her eyes. Guan Shan suddenly had a million bad scenarios fly through his head.

She set a large black bag on the table as if to block them from other onlookers. Guan Shan followed the movement, his heart starting to pound a little faster. Was she about to threaten him?

"I don't know anything," he said as calmly as he could.

"Oh? That's okay; I understand this is a challenging process to go through. But I figured I'd introduce myself," she said with a sharp grin Mo took as menacing on her pretty face. "I'm Hui Yin."

Great. Now Mo knew the name of the person who was going to kill him.

"Okay-- whatever you think I don't know or do know or whatever! Just-- I- you know," he blabbered enough to stop his thought process. What does he say? She appeared perplexed, but her cheerful attitude didn't waver. She leaned forward, reaching out to touch his hand and he pulled it back quickly.

"There are a lot of ways to acquire what you want, diamonds are just the start," she tilted her head, and Mo swore he saw something in her eyes that was challenging him.

"I don't know anything about diamonds," he gritted. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Was he getting tricked? Was this some undercover agent trying to pin something on He Tian? Should he run?

"You don't have to know," she tucked her hand under her chin. "That's why there are experts to take care of you. Eliminate that problem."

"Eliminate?" he asked, imagining those British movies with the James Bond character being drugged and taken off somewhere to be tortured for information. His palms were sweating, and he chanced a glance around and like a damn angel-- He Tian was behind her with a troubled expression holding a bag of donuts from Mo's favorite spot.

"Here babe," he said handing the bag to him. Mo took it, rolling up his sandwich so he could leave. "Who are you?" He Tian said with a grit of teeth towards the woman.

She stood up and lifted her hand, as He Tian put himself between Mo and her. "I'm Hui Yin," she explained again and smiled. "I am a wedding planner, but my family also owns a jewelry place."

Both men mentally paused for three seconds. Guan Shan wrinkled his forehead in confusion, feeling the original fear subside into uncertainty.

"How did you know we were getting married?" He Tian was still cautious, Mo could pick up on it, but she seemed not to notice, offering a soft smile.

"Oh, just noticed the magazines, and that ad there is my family's business. I'm sorry if I intruded, but I felt like it was a good opportunity to give you my card and you know, wedding experts are difficult to find this time of year," she reached into her bag, and Guan Shan honestly jumped when she pulled out a paper expecting it to be a gun and the noise in his throat was clearly in distress when the damn horn blared again.

He Tian bestowed a bewildered look at first then frowned when he felt Guan Shan's hand gripped into his shirt.

"What magazines?" He Tian asked him, and Mo blushed and glanced down at the table where he had a wedding magazine-- one he had bought on a corner stand (along with like five others that were secretly in his bag), wide open.

"Shut up!!" he took the card, and she offered her hand again but he ignored it.

"Please call me sometime; we can have a wedding planned for you quickly if you like, we're efficient. No point in waiting right?" she chimed.

She was a wedding planner. Not, some killer here to sit down at the table and murder him on the spot. He groaned, knowing he had judged her on her appearance as well. He Tian seemed tense through his arms, but he relaxed to shake the woman's hand for them. "You know what, I will call you,"

Guan Shan shoved his leftover sandwich into the bag and took everything into his hand. His heart was still racing, but he was mad at himself for thinking something so extravagant. Maybe he hadn't entirely gotten over almost being shot near the head. His hands were shaking while he was cleaning up, watching her leave didn't soothe his nerves.

He Tian hooked his arm and took him home.

Mo put the leftovers into the kitchen with his appetite gone now. He leaned against the counter staring at the tile, arms crossed while thoughts still lingered in his mind over that scary night. His stomach hurt, and he had a slight grayness about him as he thought about why he was feeling ill.

When He Tian left him alone for those weeks, it was this sickly worry that fucked him up the most. Someone could have come into Xi's house and shot him in the face for not finding the diamonds. Nightmares weren't what bothered him; it was just knowing that He Tian wasn't there when he opened his eyes after one. Security came in different forms, and Mo wasn't a chickenshit when it came to running into situations. But he wanted to feel safe when he got like this-- when his mind tricked him into thinking someone who planned weddings was a fucking murderer.

He Tian pushed a button and sent the condo into a darkness from the blinds. One light was on in the living room bathing the space with warm light. He lost track of time then, staring and not moving.

A soft texture rubbed alongside his arm, another rolled around his wrist and incircled it. He closed his eyes, releasing a steady, shuttering breath.

"Let me take care of you, I'm sorry you are upset," He Tian purred near his ear, pressing close until his pelvic bone nudged into his hip. "Do you want me to tie you up?"

Guan Shan swallowed.

"Yes,"  
"What do you want out of it?"

"To feel...," he whispered, feeling the drag of He Tian's nose against his cheek as the soft rope twirled around the other wrist teasingly.

"Tell me,"

Guan Shan tilted his head back, He Tian didn't make to kiss his neck as he wanted, and the denial almost made him lash out. Fear was playing within him that He Tian wasn't there. But there was a pressure along his right wrist that throbbed a little, the gentle tug familiar and made him sigh.

"I don't want you to leave me," he admitted.

"Okay--" He Tian said it so softly he barely heard it. Mo felt the brush of lips near his right ear, a nibble along the edge of it as He Tian rolled forward, trapping him to the counter. "Come on,"

The texture on his skin left with He Tian walking away, the rope falling to drag on the floor and instead there was a hand waiting for him to take. He wrapped his fingers through it, He Tian taking him to the living room. Two coils laid on the table, a few pillows borrowed from their couch as well. He Tian turned him around and lifted his shirt, fingers trailing up his sides and mouth hot to specific points of his rib cage.

Mo just stood there, head tilted slightly back, fingers of his left hand anchored to He Tian's shirt. His pants were removed, but he left his underwear while his mind buzzed with anticipation. Usually, he liked to fight He Tian a bit, put up a front of a challenge, be a little bit of a brat towards the other's cocky sure smirks-- but he didn't feel that right now.

A kiss came on his neck finally, and he moaned lightly. The slide of rope along his wrist bound a circle around it; then he was spun, back pressed to He Tian as the other knotted to the base of his spine. He focused on the rough exhale from He Tian, how it didn't seem strained, but heavily aroused and composed. Each turn brought another knot, the points around his biceps and triceps burning with the strain. The slight pain blew out his mind further, and when He Tian finished tying him, he drifted back and landed against the other, the pillows gentled upon his stomach when he was lowered down with care and no fear of falling.

Kinks weren't always sexual with them. Never have been when each needed reassurance in different ways. He Tian enjoyed the power and trust Mo could give him and Mo-- he liked to feel everything and nothing at the same time.

The tension on the rope pulled him into He Tian's spooning him, overpowering his body to curl forward into its self as each knot slipped gently into place to manipulate his shape. He shivered at the cocooning; feeling warm breath on his neck, lips kissing into his hair, brushing to his cheeks, and lingering as soft as snowflakes to his chin. Mo lost track of time when he was once more turned to his back and pulled up into a hanging suspension. He Tian's hands wrapped around the middle knot, and from a seated position pivoted from their hips, it forced Guan Shan's back to arc away from He Tian, his head tilted, and it was then he floated.

Everything in his mind stopped. The sounds of the room rushed away to just the steady inhales and exhale from He Tian. He gave way to a soft moan, Adam's apple lifting and dropping as he parted his mouth to dampen his lips. Every inch of his skin was sensitive, the softest tug or weight change from He Tian making him whine in his throat.

He was lowered to his back after some time, the tension releasing. Mo cracked open his eyes and saw He Tian bending over him, bringing his weigh down enough to become his focus and connection of comfort. He exhaled. Mind coming back to attention as the scent of He Tian's hair became increasingly intoxicating. He Tian must have picked up on his change in body language, and he felt the loosening knots move down as he was turned to make it easier. All his body unwound as the stress in the rope eased and when the last drag of cable pulled away from his wrists, he was a puddle on the pillowed floor.

He Tian kneeled close by, making sure they had contact while he pushed the supplies away. Guan Shan was staring at him, how the dim light and angle made He Tian look even larger than he was. His dark hair hung near his eyelashes, making the pupils deep and entrancing.

"You are beautiful," Guan Shan whispered. Feeling emotions bubble up in his chest, acknowledging he always got like this after a scene -- no matter how short-- with a knowing frown. He Tian loved it when he cried, and it only spurred him on to keep close and kiss him in many places. Guan Shan's mind opened further, and he realized that they both could have died in those situations and that was what was scary. What would he do without him? What if he never knew they could have this?

He Tian leaned down and rubbed his nose to his own, not initiating any embracing but Guan Shan kissed him anyway. It was tender, Guan Shan wanted more, but he was loose and emotional right now. Tears dampen his eyes as he wrapped his arms around He Tian's shoulders and pulled him against his chest to hug him tightly.

"I could have died-- and you-- you could have too, and I--"

"Shh--" He Tian was smiling against his skin. Looking fond like he was savoring this. "You are so sweet after this Mo."

He felt prickly like he wanted to immediately kick this asshat in the dick for calling him that, but Mo offered a watery smile instead, unable to fully control how he was expressing himself right now.

"Whatever--," he clicked his tongue, tasting the saltiness of his tears as they trailed down his cheeks. The intimacy and weight on top of him made everything feel better, but he huffed when He Tian's actual weight finally became a problem. He pushed up giving a clue. He Tian rolled to his side, sitting to put his back on the couch legs stretched out.

Mo inclined as well, He Tian an inch away rubbing circles to his hand as he always did.

"We might not always be safe, but we will have a good life Mo," He Tian said, "I will be sure of it. I don't want you to have fear like that anymore. I'll help you heal when I didn't do it before."

And his stupid weeping eyes!

He smiled, looking away while his thoughts leveled out. He felt better. Calmer, and the anxiety and fear wasn't predominate anymore. This was why he appreciated his lover. To be able to have this without sexual expectations, to let go so they could move forward.

"Thanks," he said, leaning to rest himself by He Tian's side. Not needing anything more but just the comfort of company.

"Absolutely babe,"


	6. Eventually

"Okay, okay," Guan Shan rubbed the back of his neck as his Father laughed hysterically on the other end and thoroughly embarrassing him even over the damn phone. "Just stop laughing so loud, people will think you are crazy at the airport."

"My son is getting married; I'm allowed to be loud and proud!"

"Ugh, you guys better travel safe," he grumbled, frowning at the travel itinerary his parents sent him, they had a few stops, and it would be a long day. His Father has been out of prison for several years now thanks to some new evidence the He family gave up at He Tian's order. They both retired and went to live in Australia so they could swim and listen to music, and primarily be together without any old connections bothering them.

Mo visited once, and he admitted it wasn't bad.

They were getting back to celebrate the wedding, and Mo was trying his best to keep how ecstatic he was to see them out of his voice. He missed them so much, the tiny boy in him wanted to hug his dad tightly and hear his mother coo him like the old days.

Describing his attack long distance had been tough. His mother almost flew back to take care of him, but he managed to convince them to wait so he could work through it without more pressure on his feelings. They had been pretty angry with He Tian at first for leaving him, but they also only had his side of the story. He Tian had made up with them in an hour-long phone call, which Mo was thankful for. He Tian didn't have his parents alive anymore, and Guan Shan wanted He Tian to feel that special love anytime he needed it.

Retirement did them both well. Being together always had given his parents a happier disposition on life-- which was probably why his dad was literally a giddy five-year-old boy right now on the phone while they waited for their plane.

"Honey, you got everything already paid for?" his mother asked. Guan Shan sat down on the edge of the bed, grabbing some clothes to fold while he talked to them.

"Yeah, for the most part-- eventually we'll pay it back. We took out a loan just so we didn't have to worry about draining our savings account all the way," Guan Shan hadn't gone all out with the wedding. The woman who scared him a while back at the sandwich shop had been a big help with saving them money.

"We have a check for you," she said with a grin he could hear through the phone.

"Of course you do," he smiled. He Tian walked in with a basket in hand and paused to stare at Mo. His expression exposed what he was going to do, but Mo fumbled with his phone, and the shirt half folded tangled in his free hand as he attempted to move out of the way or block that attack. He Tian charged in and dumped the basket of warm clothes on his head. He lost his phone in the exchange.

"Dammit! I was talking to my--"   
"Hello, Mo family!"

Guan Shan saw He Tian happily standing in front of him with his phone. He rolled his eyes, pulling a pair of underwear off his head and started folding again. He Tian paced while he chatted with them, a soft smile on his lips when he filled them in on the final plans of things. For some reason, He Tian had found it easier to reveal his excitement over the wedding more than himself. Not that he wasn't-- he just felt flustered when it came to explaining which flowers they decided on.

"I'm sure his suit fits properly-- I know! I actually haven't seen him in one in years; I don't know how he got away with that," He Tian mused and looked sideways to stare him down. Mo raised a challenging brow. "He's going to be in a sharkskin grey Auntie; it's ridiculously handsome."

Guan Shan looked away, feeling his heart quicken a bit at how fond He Tian looked at him while he said that. He folded a few more things, wanting to keep himself distracted by their lively conversation over the venue and the details Guan Shan hadn't filled them in on.

"Eventually, yeah, I know, I know, we haven't talked too much about it-- but we have enough room here at the new place," He Tian walked over to the dresser and reached out for the pile of shirts while he tucked the phone under his jaw to talk hands-free. Mo handed him the pile curious about what he was telling. He Tian looked really soft right now, his expression relaxed-- confident but almost like he was speaking on a dream he didn't often admit.

"What are you talking about?" he asked, handing him another pile of shirts. He Tian waved him off, listening to the phone.

"You'd really move back if we did?" He Tian said, "well, we have time. Okay, I'm going to give the phone back. I'm looking forward to seeing you-- yes, my brother won't shut up about your cooking. He's already invited himself. Okay-- love you too, bye." He Tian handed the phone back; fingers lingered in his own for a moment. He leaned in and kissed his cheek, pulling back with a soft smile.

"I'll grab the rest," He Tian said walking out of the bedroom. Guan Shan heard his dad on the phone asking if he was there, so he quickly blinked and put the phone up to his ear.

"I'm here," he clicked his tongue wanting to know what they were talking about but decided it might be better to give them privacy. This irritation still came out in classic fashion.

"Call me when you land at your first stop okay? Even if I don't pick up because I'm at the restaurant-- just leave me a damn message."

"Will do-- don't be so nervous son, it's going to be fun," his father chuckled. "Can't wait to see you."

"Same, safe travels-- love you,"   
"Love you too!" they both said on the other end and hung up.

He put his phone on the dresser and walked back towards the laundry room where He Tian had removed his shirt and sleep pants to toss them into the wash. Guan Shan ran his fingers up the muscles near his back.

"You worried?" he was asked.   
"It's a long day for them, but no-- I'm not. I can't wait to see them,"  
"So sweet Little Mo," He Tian teased, but it didn't have the typical bite to it.

\--

Eventually, life got it's shit together. Guan Shan pictured growth moving in many ways. Challenges had different effects, sometimes they were mountainous and immediately known to be trying. Other moments were a see-saw effect, the instant he got to the other end of it. Everything tilted and became hard again as he moved backward. The curves & dips, and struggles have revealed countless versions of himself and watching them immersed in the grooves of significances and victories of his life formed the man he was today.

Guan Shan knew life would continue to be this way until his dying breath, and with age and wisdom to this journey, it gave him the opportunity to see things clearly if he paid attention.

Today wasn't that day though. He needed backup.

His second in command put a hand on his chest, stopping his steps into the kitchen. She had her hair pulled up in a messy bun and headband, her brow was raised, and pink lips curled into a devilish expression he only saw on his fiance. He peered behind her, and all his employee's had on mimicking glares, and all wielded a kitchen 'weapon' of some kind.

"Zhan Zheng Xi is in your office with a dress shirt, have fun tonight, don't worry about us-- we will take care of business," she said with a shove towards the office.

"But I need to be sure--" he staggered towards Zheng Xi who was acting as a general to a kitchen army. Arms folded and dressed up for the party.

"There is absolutely nothing to worry about. The menu is set, the tasting is done, we will wow the reservations," she was grinning now, and everyone ganged up on Mo near the door.

"But--"  
"Go to your damn rehearsal dinner!" she pushed him out of the kitchen all together with a flying kiss following.

Zheng Xi was laughing at him while he grumbled and worried over the plating before he walked into the office. He grabbed the shirt.

"Come on, put it on-- it will fit, He Tian assured me a thousand times," Zheng Xi handed him a crisp black button down that had fine white threaded bird details in patterns through it. "Seriously, let your parents have this rehearsal party. They flew all the way from Austrailia to spend the week with you both, and you have been here every night-- cooking. You do realize you are getting married tomorrow."

"I know! I'm glad they are here," was all Mo could say, and Zheng Xi rolled his eyes not believing his stance. "Fine-- I'm just nervous that's all. When I was on the phone, it was exciting, but it's actually serious now. I'm getting married tomorrow-- and seeing them all happy and gushy has made me feel weird."

"You are a mess," Zheng Xi said. "But seriously, we have only ten more minutes. He Tian text me with direct instructions to get your ass there on time."

"He text you to herd me..." Mo grumbled.

"You need herding when it comes to the restaurant," Zheng Xi said walking with him out the back door, having to physically grab his hand when he made to look at a dish in passing. Everyone shouted their goodbyes, and he trusted them-- he did. But having the lead manager and owner not there watching over his business was scary.

"It will be fine, we trained them well, and they are family," Zheng Xi said as confidently as he could, but Mo could hear the mild concern in his tone too. "We can check in after the toasts," Xixi added making them both laugh and relax as they got into the car to go to dinner.

The place was beautiful, on a rooftop that overlooked hills and trees. The wind was a hair strong for Guan Shan's liking, so he was glad for the jacket to wear over the shirt bought for him. The decorations had muted hues of pale greens and deeper blues, it was calming, with wicker chairs and soft pillows. Lights roped around various points of the place illuminating everything in a dim, warm glow.

Guan Shan waved Zheng Xi off who pat his shoulder at completing his job and joined Jian Yi at a table nearby. He Tian was entertaining his parents across the open dance floor, his arm slung over his mom's shoulders while he told a story. She laughed and looked small by his side, and affection caught him off guard at the sight.

His dad stood wearing a fancy blue suit; posture relaxed around the present company. Retirement looked good on him. Swimming had broadened his shoulders and chest, and the exercise, in general, gave him a younger appearance. Mo exhaled. Thankful his parents were happy and sound.

When his dad met his eye, he waved. He Tian turned to see Mo and immediately bowed and said his goodbye before marching confidently across the open dance floor. Passing waitresses holding food, dodging a few people who wandered into his way, and finally reaching him.

He Tian cradled his cheeks and kissed him softly. His eyes closed and his shoulder slumped into instant relaxation. Guan Shan sighed kissing him back, wrapping his arms around his middle. Almost forgetting there were a lot of people here who cared about them.

"He listened to me," He Tian said. When he opened his eyes and saw that familiar cocky grin on his fiance.

"Xixi is not a damn dog--" Mo shoved him lightly.

"I gave an order, and he listened-- so," He Tian turned, wrapping his arm around his own so they could hold hands and keep close. "Jian Yi must like that in their relationship..."

Mo scuffed, not wanting that imagery in his head. "You better thank him, it's hard for us both to leave the restaurant unattended,"

"I understand, and will. Jian Yi and Zhan will always be our friends, which means they will listen with good reason--"

Mo narrowed his eyes. "You are soft tonight-- have you been drinking?"

"What no, just auntie was saying some nice things about you and seeing your dad always-- you know,"

"Your mom would have loved this," Guan Shan said. Looking around at the group of about fifty people who all came tonight to see them and eat good food.

"She really would have--" He Tian squeezed his hand. "You think we will ever have any little brats ruling the house?"

"What?!" he almost jumped out of his skin. "Are you serious? I can barely handle getting married tomorrow."

He Tian laughed, petting his shoulder. "I want to be a dad. Eventually, I realized it the other day talking to your parents -- I want to be a good one. Like yours."

"Are you safe with kids?" Mo asked astonished at He Tian admitting something like that.

"No, well-- I don't know. Cheng could help me," He Tian looked over at his brother who was contently plating more of Guan Shan's mother's food looking a little bloated in the cheeks already.

"How about a dog first?" Mo mused.

A brush of lips pressed to his cheek. "Yes, please--" He Tian conceded in a deep rumble of a voice. Guan Shan felt a worry of teeth near his earlobe, the one word making his entire body shiver in pleasure.

"Stop, before I drag you somewhere-- private," Guan Shan gritted. He Tian laughed and grabbed two champagne flutes and cleared his throat with a nod to the DJ. When everyone was looking at them Mo wanted to hide. He Tian had his arm around his back, hand on his hip.

"Thank you for coming-- I was ordered to especially thank Zhan Zheng Xi for bringing my fiance here on time," He Tian chuckled as Zheng Xi gave him the finger near his chest so it wasn't seen by anyone else but them. Mo smiled, feeling calmer now.

"Tomorrow," He Tian paused, inhaling deeply and released it through a long sigh. A squeeze met Mo's side. "Tomorrow is going to be the best day of my life."

People were clapping, and Mo was pretty sure he died just now because his throat tightened and stomach flipped in butterflies while He Tian said other thanks. All he could do is look at him though, the rest of the words fading with the world as he realized that they could be happy together.

"Enjoy the night," He Tian finished and raised his glass and everyone followed. Mo blinking a few times to let his brain catch up that the speech ended and he hadn't heard a thing.

"You are embarrassing," Mo grumbled, looking away. He Tian chuckled, nudging his side and pressing his nose into his cheek.

"You are just easily embarrassed Little Mo,"  
"Tsk--"

 


	7. Freestyle

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> smexy times

Their bedroom was well insulated, quiet enclosed him, almost smothered his thoughts as they drifted in and out of conscious knowing. The knot on his wrist worried red into the skin as he pushed himself against the bed, movements a near despairing grind, burying his face further into the down comforter that they should remove from the bed soon. Guan Shan bit back a groan, not wanting to sound hopeless or alert He Tian that he wasn't listening to staying still, but he was nearing a point of begging if something more didn't happen soon.

Mo gasped as lips brushed up the back of his legs making the fine hair there lift on end in surprise and instant arousal. There was a hungry coil in his gut in want for more, having already laid in this position for an hour and unable to do anything more but rub himself on the bed. He Tian was in the house this time around which had made it difficult to behave, maybe next time he will ask him to leave so he could slip into a different mindset.

"Turn over," the words burned into his head, close and surprising by his face. He gasped carelessly, turning to his back to see He Tian above him, wide gripped hands now planted on either side of his head. Stomach muscles clenched at the curved stance, chest a full delicious view. He felt saliva almost dribble past the corner of his mouth when it gaped open to the view.

"This isn't a romance novel photo shoot," Guan Shan breathed, voice betraying him as it swung in his lower registry and attempted to appear unflustered. "You look rid--"

His words were cut off with a harsh kiss. Guan Shan arched into it, wanting to grab and direct him to stay. But his hands were bound tightly, this time around the wrist and ankles making moving or touching where he wanted impossible. A warm hand slipped under his hamstring pulling him towards the edge of the bed where his feet settled on the ground.

He sat himself up, glaring at He Tian who now stood.

"Cute-- angry little redhead," He Tian reached down and yanked on the knots to his ankles, the soft texture gave way to a rush of released tension that had his head tilting back, a loud moan uprooted from his center.

"Shit--," He Tian's voice broke, and a warm mouth seized on his center throat, licking the tendon just beside his Adam's apple. He Tian kissed him there, nudging over to suck on the right side of his neck as Guan Shan could finally part his legs and wrap them around his waist, pinning him. His shoulders ached from the tied position, but the stretch along his chest made it sensitive to any touching which was exciting.

"You are so close," He Tian hummed. "I like you like this."

"Shut up, just-- get on with it," Guan Shan bit at him, catching his ear in the snap. He Tian pulled back with a huffed laugh and stood up best he could with the stress of strong legs tugging him towards the bed. Guan Shan could see him better now sitting up, how painfully hot He Tian was naked and erect between his legs, a flush of red burning up his skin. He Tian put up a face that he was fine but Mo could see right through it.

"I've been watching you for the last ten minutes from the doorway," He Tian said low in tone and moved Mo's legs up onto the bed so he could turn him around. Mo didn't put up a resistance, once more burying his face into the blanket and inhaled sharply as the knot on his wrist rubbed the bottom knob of his back. He Tian stepped between his legs, sliding a hand up and down his back.

Mo shivered picturing He Tian getting off watching him be desperate. There was more retort on his mind, he wanted to yell at him further, but a quiet stole his voice as a slither of shame choked his throat. Long oiled fingers trailed over each bump of his spine, threading over the rope on his skin which made him squirm in the burn of pain before settling intimately.

The invasive, determined touch had him keening into the mattress. Mo whimpered as he let himself let go. The desperation initially brought on from being alone fizzled out, He Tian knew what he was doing-- it just always took Mo some time to let him have it all. And so he took everything, relaxing and moaning when the stretch was so good it hurt.

"Babe," He Tian nudged his ear, Guan Shan had sweat on his nose, his entire body wanted to release-- it trembled amongst his muscles. "Babeeeeee..."

"Fucking shut up--"

He Tian laughed beautifully, "okay, okay."

The knot on his wrist removed, and both limbs plopped on the bed as dead weight, his shoulder shifted to the side forcing him to roll over. He Tian leaned down until their chests touched and his mouth hovered over his own and kissed him.

He Tian wedged himself between them, the initial pressure a shock but not worrisome, he rocked on his own, not able to lift his hands which felt like lead as the circulation rushed back within. He Tian picked up on his headspace and raised a hand to run it through his hair, rubbing the sweat from his brow and the drip still lingering on his nose. He kissed his cheek, running the top of his nose into it as He Tian inhaled deep enough to force him to mock one himself.

He rolled deeper. Mo closed his eyes with a groaned 'yes,' knee's knocked his own to encourage them to fall wider apart. Guan Shan arched his back in response, panting at the total moment. Though slow and steady, everything and more.

"If I gush and say I love you so much--"  
"I will fucking cut off your dick if you don't get on with it,"

He Tian laughed again, positioning his hands on his shoulders and sat up to roll back and deeply ground forward to set a faster rhythm. Guan Shan would always deny that sex with He Tian was anything but amazing, but it was times like this that he knew love didn't always have to be spoken to be felt.

He Tian always smoked after sex, and Guan Shan enjoyed the flavor of the sweet tasting cigarette himself. His wrists would need some treatment; he might have been too rough with himself before they got together-- he rubbed them lightly, and He Tian frowned at the redness but didn't say anything on it.

"So, we pick her up today," He Tian said quietly. Mo slid down on the bed and settled to lay his head on He Tian's stomach.

"I can't believe we will have a dog soon; this might be our last time tying me up. Can't let the kid see,"

He Tian tensed. "No, I'll find a way."

Guan Shan laughed, feeling his cheeks flush. "You are a mess,"

"You are just hot; I can't let that vision die. My brother already wants a playdate set up with his five dogs so-- he can watch her,"

"Deal," Guan Shan sat up, rubbing his ring along a particularly deep lined ab.

"Happy?" He Tian blew out the smoke away from him, but the scent of vanilla made the space comfortable. Guan Shan many years ago couldn't have offered a response so quickly. Watching his father taken away, to see his mother threatened, to himself getting hurt enough times that he was annoyingly angry all the time. Growing up, those hardships-- it all seemed worth it now, laying in bed with He Tian, in a place that was their own, married, with a successful business, and the Mafia to watch their backs over separate them.

Mo sighed, glancing at He Tian who was looking right at him.

A smile came to his lips, anger for once, not as present of mind.

"Yeah, I'm finally fucking happy."

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was one of the most challenging sets of days XD I hope it wasn't all over the place. Let me know what you liked about it, glad I could write it this year!


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